856: You’ve Come to the Right Person

Gary Powell

My name is Gary Powell. I'm a stunt coordinator, second unit director in motion films.

Gary Powell

Oh, Titanic, James Bond, Mission Impossible.

Miles

I don't have a job.

Miles

Miles.

Gary Powell

I drove the crane in Terminator, the bus in Harry Potter.

Miles

What, you drove the bus in Harry Potter?

Gary Powell

I did.

Miles

I do car chases with my seven and eight cars.

Gary Powell

Right. So do you choreograph little car chases for yourself then?

Miles

Yeah.

Gary Powell

That's cool. Do you know what you should do?

Miles

Have you watched the Blues Brothers car chase that's eight minutes long?

Miles

Have you seen the backwards flip?

Miles

Yeah.

Miles

That's a picture of it.

Miles

I remember the first time I saw it, I fell over.

Miles

I mean, like, are those people billionaires if they can buy 150 Dodge police cars, only to crash them?

Miles

All right.

Gary Powell

Let's go.

Officer

Officers are in pursuit. A black and white 1974 Dodge sedan--

Miles

Pause. Pause. Are those Nazis real Nazis?

Miles

Are those Nazis real Nazis?

Gary Powell

No, they'll be actors playing those parts.

Miles

Oh.

Man

I got to pull over.

Miles

Pause. Pause.

Gary Powell

[CHUCKLES]

Miles

Do they actually-- are the people OK in the cars when they crash? Like, are there people in there, like real people who are--

Gary Powell

Yes, there is. There'll be stunt people in those cars. They'll all be strapped in. They'll have roll cages inside the cars, probably wearing crash helmets, some of them. So yeah, they'd be safe.

Gary Powell

They're all stunt people that have been trained, and they all move on a cue, you know? They're really good because you can see they leave it right to the last second before they move. But that was lots of stunt people, lots of rehearsals.

Miles

Wait! Pause, pause, pause. This is where I had the question, how do they film that part?

Gary Powell

And then they're just dropping it. And then obviously, when the wide shot where you see the car dropping, again, that could be filmed from a helicopter or a building. And you're just seeing it dropping all the way down.

Miles

But like, the question I have for that part, are they OK once the car lands? Because you don't see it after it lands.

Gary Powell

[CHUCKLES] So in the car, when it's dropping, when the physical car is dropping, they've probably got two dummies sitting in there, no real people.

Miles

Oh. But how did they get out?

Miles

I have a friend. Her and her dad were driving in their old Subaru Outback. And they were at an intersection, and they stopped. There was a Kia Soul coming. There was a lady, a 95-year-old lady in the car, asleep at the wheel.

Gary Powell

Oh, dear.

Miles

And she rammed them into a tree.

Gary Powell

Oh. Was they OK?

Miles

Yeah, because my friend was strapped tightly into the back seat--

Gary Powell

Oh.

Miles

--like, tightly.

Gary Powell

That's why you have to wear your seatbelts and all that. So that was lucky.

Gary Powell

It's rare. I've, unfortunately, been involved in one car chase where someone got seriously hurt because the special effects rig failed. And that is obviously not a nice experience. But I think out of the 35 years that I've doing it, I've only had one serious accident in a car chase. Other than that, you might get a bit whiplash or something like that, but for us, that's nothing.

Miles

What?

Miles

Better. It's good to know how they do that, so you know that none of the people are just random people who have a chance of dying in the film or something. So that's the reason it's good to know.

Gary Powell

Nice to meet you, Miles. Hope it makes things better for you.

Miles

Probably will.

David

I don't know if you've ever went through this yourself, where you just have this slight niggle, you know? And you go, I don't know what the niggle is because everything's perfect.

David

Yeah, a slight doubt, slight confusion. It just didn't have that oomph. I'd say we were vanilla beige, but lovely.

David

So I mean, you wouldn't be thinking that we were maybe flying off to France and having a romantic getaway together. There was nothing wrong, but no-- no--

David

Mm-hmm, yeah. Yeah, there was zero French in any of the relationship. It was a very British relationship.

David

I just had that "holy shit" moment of, this is my life you're describing right now, and I didn't realize it.

David

And then I had this moment where I was like, what do I do? Like, what do I do now with this information? And he's like, well, I think you know what you need to do in this situation.

David

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I was really taken back.

Daniel Sloss

I mean, he was happy.

Daniel Sloss

So it felt good. And I never thought that they were the perfect couple. I never thought that they would be together forever. Like, when they were together, I was like, oh, this ain't it. She's great. You're great. But you together ain't great.

Daniel Sloss

Imagine all of our lives are like our own individual jigsaw puzzles. And as we're going through life, we're just slowly piecing it together, bit by bit.

Daniel Sloss

I was at a nightclub, and a girl came up to me. And she was like, I saw your show a week ago, and I broke up with my partner. And I was like, oh, cool. Awesome. Like, are you better for it? She was like, yeah, I'm way better for it. I'm much happier. That's why I'm out.

Daniel Sloss

Some of us will take the wrong person, the wrong jigsaw piece, and just fucking jam them into our jigsaws anyway.

Daniel Sloss

This-- he must have been about 50, 52 years old-- guy came up to me, and he went, hey man, just wanted to let you know I saw the show, and I finally got these through. And he showed me the first divorce papers. And I remember being like, oh, this is something.

Daniel Sloss

[EXHALES] 20 years, I think?

Daniel Sloss

Yeah.

Daniel Sloss

We're in Hungary, and a guy had driven, I'm going to say, like, 800 miles from somewhere, like, in Russia with his divorce papers, just to see the show.

Daniel Sloss

Yeah, that's it.

Daniel Sloss

[LAUGHS] That's such a great way of describing it.

Daniel Sloss

You can spend five or more years with someone and only then, after all the fun you had, be looking at the jigsaw and realize you're both working towards very different images, only then realize that you want different things. And in that moment, you have a very, very difficult question to ask yourself. One, do I admit the last five years of my life have been a waste? Two, do I waste the rest of my life?

[LAUGHTER]

My generation has become so obsessed with starting the rest of their lives that they're willing to give up the one they are currently living. We have romanticized the idea of romance, and it is cancerous. I am very aware that this is not a particularly funny bit of the show.

[LAUGHTER]

Charlotte

I can remember sitting there and actually not touching my phone, not scroll on anything. I was absolutely hooked on what he was saying because it felt like he was talking to me, in a weird way. There's a part in the show where he said, you think that you're so special, you think you found your soulmate 30 minutes down the road? And I was like, oh, no.

Daniel Sloss

There are 7.5 billion people on this planet. And you found your soulmate 20 miles from where you live?

[LAUGHTER]

Charlotte

It was one of those things that it just dawned on me that I've settled. It's like settling into a bad job. You're still getting paid. You're still going through the motions. There's somebody there. You go on holiday. It's not like you're overly happy, but you're not overly sad.

Charlotte

Even after I started following the breakup tally on Twitter, he still wasn't kind of getting how much it really had resonated with me.

Charlotte

Yeah. Yeah.

Charlotte

Oh, OK.

Charlotte

Yeah.

Charlotte

No.

[CHUCKLING]

He was not.

Charlotte

I didn't go into watching Jigsaw thinking that I was going to be thinking about breaking up my marriage. I was there for a laugh.

Charlotte

It felt like he was saying, well, Charlotte, [CHUCKLES] just because you don't love him anymore doesn't mean you can't break up with him. It's like, you can break up with him. Breaking up with someone because you've grown as a person is a valid reason. You should break up with someone whenever.

Charlotte

No.

Charlotte

I would defend him. I would say, oh, well, he's tired, you know? He works nights, and would always defend his behavior, even though he would embarrass me. And, ugh, the fact that I could tell that my family didn't like him and they didn't think that he was-- [SIGHS] he wasn't right for me hurt more because I'd made that choice.

Charlotte

Yeah. People take advice from strangers sometimes more than they do the people closest to them because they don't care in the sense that if I see someone on the tube or whatever, and they've got lipstick on their teeth, and I literally-- I make eye contact with them, and I do that, that motion of, like, wipe their teeth, your friend is going to worry about how to say that to you. I don't care. Like, you've got lipstick on your teeth. [CHUCKLES] You've got egg on your face.

Daniel Sloss

But you just sit there, and you wait. You wait looking for an excuse to get out, just waiting for them to do something unforgivable so that you can actually break up with them with a real excuse and leave with your head held high. But because unlike you, they're not a piece of shit, they won't do that.

[LAUGHTER]

So you have to start lowering your standards for what unforgivable is.

[LAUGHTER]

One week in, you're like, if they cheat on me, this is perfect. I can leave with my head held high, and I will not look like a dick. Nine weeks later, they're faithful, and you're like, man, if they buy orange juice with pulp in it, that is--

[LAUGHTER]

I can't live like that. All I'm asking is, if you've ever been in a situation like that, in a relationship where you felt trapped, like you couldn't get out of it, and it was just easier to stay in it, all I'm asking is, even for the briefest of seconds, have you ever accidentally caught yourself thinking how much easier life would be--

[LAUGHTER]

--if they were to just die?

[LAUGHTER]

And not because you want them to die, but just because them dying is the easiest way for you to get out of that relationship. And it doesn't involve either one of you getting hurt--

[LAUGHTER]

--emotionally.

Kwaneta Harris

I am in my cell in Texas in a women's prison.

Kwaneta Harris

Oh, I was a nurse. I was a nurse who floated from the emergency room to oncology to geriatric care, home health care. Can you hear me OK here? Or should I stand somewhere else? Am I OK?

Kwaneta Harris

On top of the toilet seat.

Kwaneta Harris

Holding my tablet in the air like Lady Liberty.

Kwaneta Harris

Yeah. And I have the other hand on the wall to hold on.

Kwaneta Harris

Yes. It's been a minute.

Kwaneta Harris

Oh, thank god.

Kwaneta Harris

Sure.

The first thing that happened was I lost everything. I remember exactly the moment I realized it.

Kecia Lewis

I remember exactly the moment I realized it.

Kwaneta Harris

It was in 2009--

Kecia Lewis

It was in 2009, just a couple of weeks after I had been transferred from the county jail to prison. I'd injured my shoulder working in the kitchen, stirring pots with canoe-sized paddles.

So I went to medical. I entered a crowded waiting room, interrupting a lecture by a med tech and a guard, when they asked me, what did I want? With all eyes on me, I said, I need some ibuprofen for my shoulder. The med tech launched into a sermon-- stop looking for a quick fix; stop popping pills; try to stay clean; pray on it; drink more water and lose weight. All that for a few Motrin.

As she talked, I noticed she was wearing the exact same scrubs I had in my bedroom closet at home-- light blue ones with the pink breast cancer awareness ribbon all over them. It hit me like a body punch to see her in those scrubs, talking to me in such dehumanizing language. Before, she would have been one of my colleagues. Now, I was on this other side, and there was no way back.

But then, a window back to my old life appeared. I started to get medical questions from the women incarcerated with me. It took a few years. Word got out early on that I was a nurse. But there are many nurses in prison. Some of them are in prison because they were doing nefarious things as a nurse, so people didn't want to ask them for help.

But once it was cleared up that I wasn't one of the nurses that hurt their patients, I slowly started getting questions. People would come and talk to me in the yard or in the shower. Or when people were too ashamed to ask out loud, they would write it down on a tiny slip of paper and get it to me. First, it was just the girls in my dorm. Then they started asking for their friends, who told their friends.

Now, over a decade later, I get notes from almost every women's prison in Texas. These notes are surreptitiously passed during meal time or laundry exchange, tucked into dirty socks or folded under a tray, passed between women from different prisons on the bus to the prison hospital. Many are from strangers who have just heard that they can write to Mama Detroit-- that's me.

They're folded up in a square with tiny writing on white or colored pieces of paper, on the inside of candy wrappers, the thin plastic from Kotex pads. I even get questions on squares of toilet paper. One reads, "My roommate uses her inhaler all the time. I think she's addicted to it. Is that possible?"

Another girl who's in a church choir here wrote about someone she sings with. "When she sings, her breath smells up the whole choir. Her teeth are all rotten, and peppermints are not helping. What can we do?" The range of questions people ask is very wide, anything from, "What's this medicine for?" to, "Which homemade dildo is safest?" None of them.

Everyone involved in passing the notes is taking a risk-- the writer, the person delivering the note, me. If you're caught with a note on you, it can be a disciplinary infraction, possession of contraband. If you have three or more of these infractions in 30 days, that can get upgraded to a major case, which can be used to justify a parole denial. I deliberately store all my unread notes in a brown paper bag in the corner of my cell, so I can always claim it's trash.

Lou wrote to me about her friend Prissy, who bought contraband eyeshadow from someone working in the prison print shop. The print shop has pretty bright-powdered ink that people steal for makeup. Lou wrote that Prissy couldn't get the blue eyeshadow off. "She tried toothpaste. It stained. She looking like a fat-ass Smurf."

I wrote back, "Mix No More Tears Baby Shampoo and Vaseline into a paste. Apply to your eyelid overnight, then wipe rubbing alcohol repeatedly to the area. It will slowly fade to green and then eventually disappear." I know this won't be the last time someone accidentally cosplays a cartoon character, though. We all miss feeling human, you know? Like our old selves.

For me, answering these questions, it made me feel like my old self. It was a way for me to still be a caregiver. I felt needed. I was needed in a very particular way I hadn't been on the outside. Because first, the medical care that exists in our prison is extremely lacking. There are only a handful of medical providers for the 1,200 people here. You have to pay to go to medical, $13.55 per visit, which is a king's ransom when we're forced to work in here for free. And when you get there, they treat you like crap.

And the medical staff can't answer their questions as well as I can because unlike the people they're treating, they aren't incarcerated. I know the materials available to women-- Vaseline, baby shampoo. I know the exact way to ask for certain treatments without getting punished.

Like for yeast infections, going in and saying "I have a yeast infection" will often lead the nurse to start asking about your sex life. And if you let slip that you have a girlfriend, the guards supervising your appointment can write you a disciplinary. The safer way I tell people is to tell the nurse you took antibiotics recently and are noticing this side effect. You have to let the nurse think she figured it out.

Also, I know the various factors the women are weighing when they consider their own care. For instance, early on, one of the most common medical questions people would write to me was, "Do I really need to get a mammogram?"

I know what they mean when they ask this. We all hate the mammogram trip. We have to take a nausea inducing bus ride that freezes us during the winter and cooks us in the summers. We have to pack all of our belongings to send to storage while we're gone. And when we move back, they assign us a new roommate. It's so hard to get a decent roommate. Few people want to risk losing that by leaving.

When people ask me if it's worth going on the trip, I write back, explaining breast cancer and ask if their mom or anyone else in their family has a history of cancer. I try to convince them and myself that it's only once a year and probably worth going.

But the prison instituted a new rule last summer. They now promise to hold our assigned bed and roommate for a week. People are still refusing to go, though, even though you could get a disciplinary infraction if you skipped the trip. Ain't nobody riding in that wheeled cauldron.

More questions I've received-- "My roommate got lupus. Can I catch it from her?" No, you don't have to worry about that. It's an autoimmune disease, which means it's her body fighting her body. This girl wrote me and said, "I pee only a little bit each time I go. Is this my prostate?" That's not your prostate. You don't have one. This is a UTI.

I have two girls in here who wrote me with signs and symptoms of endometriosis. The problem is, the only way you can diagnose endometriosis is surgery. I'm still figuring out what to write back to them.

I used to think my special expertise was to help women who were incarcerated with me. But then, I started getting mail from released friends, too, like one from my friend I'll call Flaca, who asked me what can she drink to get rid of her pregnancy? She was sexually assaulted by a guest at the motel where she works.

Abortions are illegal in Texas. Flaca has a snitch on her ankle in the form of an electronic GPS monitor, so she can't slip over to New Mexico and get abortion care. She can't get medical abortion pills mailed to her in the faith-based halfway house that opens all incoming mail. Flaca still has to figure out how to get health care while being surveilled and restricted. These days, it feels like women all over Texas do, not just those of us in prison.

All I could tell her was to call the National Planned Parenthood hotline, not from her phone, because parole officers might search her phone history. I was relieved to hear that she ended up getting the pills by having them delivered to someone else's address. I just hope it's a friend, somebody who won't try to extort or tell on her. Flaca is still on parole. Since receiving Flaca's letter a year ago, I have received eight more letters from women asking for abortion care resources.

When I've needed medical advice, I don't have anyone to ask for help. I've had to figure out how to be my own Mama Detroit. About nine years ago, I was sent to solitary confinement, and a few years in, I started to feel like I was losing it. I couldn't sleep, and I started to get incredibly emotional.

One day, one of the girls below me told three of us through a shared heating vent-- that's our phone-- about a letter from her father asking for forgiveness. As I stood listening at my vent, I just couldn't stop crying. This was not normal for me, but I had read about how, in solitary, people react differently to extreme isolation.

Then my memory started to go. I started needing to use my cell walls as a whiteboard to jot down reminders for myself-- the date of my daughter's next volleyball game or what three things I wanted to talk about at my next doctor appointment. My memory has always been really, really good. My second husband used to say that we got divorced because of my memory because I just couldn't let things go. It was hard to let go that he kept cheating.

So when I started not being able to remember anything, it was a really scary moment for me. I couldn't focus on what I was reading. My body ached. It was late 2020, and I thought, this is long COVID. This is solitary confinement.

Finally, one of my friends on the outside wrote to me saying, you think it might be menopause? I told her, I am not that old. I was only 48. They never taught us about menopause in nursing school. It was just some punchline about hot flashes, which I started to get, too.

There isn't air conditioning in our prison building in Texas. It gets so hot in the summer that Coke cans will just spontaneously explode. Toothpaste liquefies. In June 2019, I fainted from the heat, and the sergeant took the temperature in my cell that day-- 129 degrees. So I already felt like I was being cooked before the hot flashes.

But when that burning feeling hits the middle of my chest, then radiates to the rest of my body, it's unbearable. I learned to keep bowls filled with tap water to dump over my head at the start of each hot flash. I always expect the water to sizzle. So I wrote to my friends back home and asked what they use to treat their menopausal symptoms.

They told me about black cohosh, flaxseed, apricots, and berries, but the general consensus was that the most effective treatment was estrogen vaginal cream and hormone replacement therapy. My friends inside prison told me, there's no way you're going to get any of those.

I went to dreaded medical and tried for three years to get hormone replacement therapy. I finally got a prescription, and the change was instantaneous. It was like a switch turned me back into the old me. My skin cleared up, my hair regained thickness, my mood was lighter, and the brain fog cleared. Best of all, the hot flashes stopped. It was a miracle drug, until the prescription ran out after two months. The doctors would not give me a refill. That was two years ago.

So here I am, living with all my symptoms, waiting for this phase to pass. The symptoms can last a decade. Studies show Black women experience more hot flashes, longer hot flashes, and longer perimenopause. I learned this from the radio and from a pamphlet about menopause that I asked my lawyer to send me.

When I tried to learn more by ordering books like The Menopause Manifesto, the prison denied the books for being sexually explicit. Meanwhile, I've gotten a few questions from other neighbors about menopause. We're all getting older in here.

After all these years, I'm not tired of answering questions yet, but I am tired of answering the same questions. I am tired of repeating the same answers. Depo shot is the name of the birth control everyone wants because the guards don't hand out enough pads and tampons. The flu shot will not give you the flu. No, the COVID vaccine didn't have a chip in it. Tampons don't cause cancer. They don't cause infertility.

I thought by 2025, we'd move on to something else. But the girls still aren't getting this information anywhere else. I wish I could put the 10 most asked questions on a flyer and just pass them out. But that's not how it works in here. So I keep writing.

Juna

Because a lot of men are very afraid to approach women at the gym, which I totally understand because, obviously, people, a lot of time, don't want to be disturbed in their workouts.

Juna

But there are people that want to be disturbed-- me-- by a hot man. Anyways.

Juna

I feel like we've always all been single, like a lot of my best friends. And now they're all in relationships. And that's when I'm like, it's because I'm blind.

Juna

There's no other thing that explains why it's been so difficult for me. I just, like, can't pinpoint another thing that separates me from the other people that I feel like are successful besides being blind.

Juna

I will often look at people's mouths because that's what their voice comes from. So I think I'm always, like, 4 inches under eye contact. And sometimes I'll consciously make an effort to look higher than where I want to look. But then I get very uncomfortable because another big insecurity I have is that my eyes make people uncomfortable. And so I kind of feel bad looking at them in the eye. So basically, I've just given up on looking at people's eyes. I'll just look at their mouth.

Juna

Hi, Frank.

Juna

Harriotte and Frank met on a red line train. Harriotte was playing recorder, and Frank heard it and was like, can you teach me that song? Right, guys?

Frank

Yeah, that's how it happened.

Harriotte

He sat down next to me, and he said, I have my recorder with me.

Juna

Which is crazy. Like, Frank, why did you have your recorder with you?

Frank

I don't know. That was a certain time in my life.

[LAUGHTER]

Juna

OK. Shall we begin?

Juna

So, Harriotte--

Harriotte

Yes, ma'am.

Juna

So in your idea of your life, right, if you think back on your life, have you ever thought to yourself that your vision impacts your dating? Or has it, to you, just not been a related topic?

Harriotte

Not been a related topic except to share with people all the amazing experiences that I have kinesthetically and otherwise as a blind person.

Juna

Let's say like meeting people in person, right? One thing that I feel like is very difficult is that I can't make eye contact. And I--

Harriotte

I never could, baby. So I don't know what you're talking about.

Juna

[LAUGHS] But Harriotte, all, like, the videos on TikTok about how to meet people at the gym and stuff or whatever, is like, the person makes eye contact with you, and then you smile to let them know that you're available to come-- Harriotte's waving her hands. Harriotte, why-- [LAUGHS]

Harriotte

No, I just bump into them awkwardly and say, where's the treadmill?

Juna

Oh, yeah. OK, I do that, too, sometimes, but like--

Harriotte

No, but I mean, with panache, you know? With ease, you know? Like, hey, where's the bathroom? Can you walk me over there? Thank you. I'll get it fixed. I'll do it better next time, you know? Whatever. But don't you see? It's like, we're unwilling to be vulnerable. Everybody is.

Harriotte

I have no problem. I'll stand up in the subway and say, hey, anybody getting off at X spot? I have to cross over from the A line to the West 4th Street, whatever.

Juna

That's crazy! I have literally been lost for hours because I refused to ask for help. I'm like, I'm going to wander around until I find where to go to avoid asking for help. So-- now Harriotte's laughing at me.

Harriotte

No, not at you. I'm just laughing at the discomfort and awfulness of it, you know?

Juna

Do you know what I mean?

Harriotte

Do you realize how much you're basing all of your perceptions, at least from where I'm sitting with this, on the sighted world?

Juna

But the sighted world is the world, Harriotte. Like--

Harriotte

It is, but it hasn't been a problem. I still feel that my world has total integrity.

Juna

I feel like my world has total integrity, too, but I feel like-- I don't know.

Harriotte

I think the hardest thing in life, whether you're sighted or anything, is a deeper self-acceptance, really. And that doesn't matter what the hell other people react to or what they think or whatever.

Juna

Whatever you're sensing from me, do you think that that plays a role into why it might be hard for me to date people?

Harriotte

Yes.

Juna

OK, why?

Harriotte

Because you have a lens, you have a filter that is constantly on high that says they're not going to get me. They're going to put me down. They're going to ignore me. They're going to pity me. And if that is sort of in the emotional undercurrent within you, then it'll amplify everything--

Juna

What do you think that I should do differently? But you can't say you have to deeply accept yourself because I just don't even know what that means. So it's like--

Harriotte

OK, that's fine.

Harriotte

Just see if they want to go out and have coffee or tea.

Juna

I just don't think people do that anymore, Harriotte.

Harriotte

What? So what? Maybe they're all waiting.

Juna

I don't want to be the one to do it. Why can't they do it?

Harriotte

I always make the first move.

Juna

But Harriotte!

Harriotte

Treat it as friendship. It's just a thought.

Juna

No, I think you're right. Like, the guy I have a crush on, for example, me and my friends call him my husband.

[LAUGHTER]

Like, my friend was like, your husband is not in class today. And I'm like, how am I supposed to go talk to my husband? I'm too scared. I'm scared.

Harriotte

No, no, no, you have to reset. Reset.

Juna

So last week, Harriotte, I was in class, and my jiu-jitsu husband usually will ask me to spar once in class. And this time, we only had one spar. Long story short, we didn't get to spar. And I'd only come to class to see my jiu-jitsu husband.

And so I saw him on the mat, right? And I was like, I'll go ask him. But I was scared. But I was like, I'll go ask him because he always asks me. I'll go ask him. And I went to go ask him. And he's like a very shy, introverted person. And I asked him. He's like, oh, um, yeah. Actually, I was stretching because I was going to leave, but yeah, I guess we can spar. Yeah.

And I was like, oh, no, it's OK. We can do it next time. Yeah, OK. And I ran back to the lockers, and he came up to me. He was like, no, no, no, let's do it. And I was like, no, no, no, it's OK. We can do it another time. He was like, no, let's spar.

Anyways, it took him, like, three different times to be like, no, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it. And then we did. And I was like, I'm never talking to him again. Like, he can talk to me if he wants, but I am never speaking to him again in class because I was so embarrassed.

Harriotte

The fact that he asked you the three times is already not saying I want to be your husband, but it is saying, I would like to do that. So it's authentic. I think he's asking from, just my sense about it, from a very authentic place. And so build on it. Just get to know him. When you finish sparring, you could say, if you would like to go to brunch sometime, just the two of us after jiu-jitsu, let me know.

Juna

[SIGHS] OK.

Juna

[LAUGHS] Oh, my god, I feel like I'm on one of those dating shows. Anyways, so I went the first time after talking to Harriotte, and I was like, you know what? Let me treat this person the same way I treat everybody else in this class and just be normal and be his friend. And so I started talking to him, and it was like the worst conversation I've ever had in my entire life, not because of me. It was like talking to a brick wall, you guys. It was like--

Juna

--so terrible. And I went to the dog park the next day, and I was like, you guys, I think he has literally no personality. And they were like, then why do you like him? And I said, I literally think it's just because of his arms. And I have been so stupid. [LAUGHS]

Miles

Are those Nazis real Nazis?